"44% Of Women Actively Reconsider Motherhood."

Grandma always told you that your role was to be a mom, but … it hasn’t saved you?

This one will be tricky to write, because I’m a guy and I have some notable caveats on this topic, so let’s start with two semi-entertaining stories and then get into it:

• In probably fall 2018, I went to Chicago for this mini-trade show. It was at some startup’s offices on the 36th floor of some downtown tower. I remember all the executives at this startup wore Sperrys. I thought that was funny. On the way back to the airport, I stopped at a bar near Soldier Field and had a deep discussion with some guy about his divorce. We got pretty drunk. I got to O’Hare and my man William Tincup, who I was traveling with, was at an airport bar. I walked in and remember he was telling some lady: “The three things that never save relationships are a ring, a baby, and a threesome.”

• I messed around with a woman once who had some kids (don’t worry, she was divorced by the point we messed around). She told me once that when her first kid was born, she held it and said to the nurse: “So, am I supposed to feel happy? Or feel something?”

Motherhood is maybe the strongest brand we have in the world, and as a result, it’s a very complicated topic, albeit a beautiful one. I’ve covered off on it a few times. I do think it’s important to get some caveats out of the way first, before we get into this. First: I’m a dude, not a mother. Second: I live in Texas and most of my friends/acquaintances are either semi-affluent or “high paycheck-to-paycheck,” meaning they couldn’t afford a medical reversal but might be able to vacation in Mexico next month. Third: I’m in the throes of Year III (?) of infertility now with my wife.

So, as a result of those things, I’ve heard the criticism once or twice that I “hate mothers.” That’s not true. If anything, I find motherhood aspirational, and wish more guys who make women into mothers realized the blessing therein, instead of seeming to take it for granted.

In the process of infertility, obviously you see tons of people around you get pregnant. I’ve actually been through this twice, or maybe 1.4 times, because I was married before — and in that relationship, a lot of my ex’s friends were getting pregnant, but it was as our relationship was devolving. So maybe I’ve met those kids once, when they were 2–3 months old, but now they’re probably in first grade and I have no idea where they even might live anymore. I’ve seen two pregnancy waves, but the second wave was more pronounced (in part because my wife is eight years younger than me).

As you see a bunch of people get pregnant, including people who publicly swore off kids, you start to wonder: does every woman want to be a mom?