Are New Moms Less Good At It Than 30 Years Ago?

Millennial moms, the phones, Instagram, and still face effect.

One of my current hot takes, after four years of infertility and semi-frequently feeling like a deficient asshole of a man, is that we have a destination vs. journey problem in modern parenting. Whether it’s because of Instagram (easy target), or people getting married later and having conception challenges, or infertility, or an increased rate of miscarriage and stillbirth (has been reported), it seems a lot of people view getting the baby as the destination, when in fact the arrival of the baby is simply the beginning of a new journey. Obviously the creation of new life is an incredibly emotional and complex topic — I can even figure that out from the outside looking in — but I would say you have a few core themes around this potential problem of destination vs. journey.

1. If you view your kids as a destination, and become almost Pokemon-like in wanting a specific mix of genders, you seem to be missing the point.

2. Motherhood and parenting are both very hard — often cited as “hardest but most rewarding thing I’ve ever done” — and creating a prism whereby the journey isn’t as important as the arrival stage is not helpful to these kids being created. Life is, unfortunately, only likely to get harder, and I doubt we’re about to fix regressive parental leave policies.

I am all for people being happy and celebrating an imminent birth or a new birth. Sometimes I can get embittered, but I’m all for happiness in that spot if you’re not an asshole to others about it. I also realize some women don’t love motherhood, but love pregnancy, in part because it’s the only time their husband respects them.

Alright, now let’s get deeper into this for a second. We can start with this video: