Could You Teach Empathy To An Adult?

An important question of the modern canon.

The older I’ve gotten, the less and less I think American relationships are that well-structured. Most of it seems to come down to particular life stage, I.e. kids vs. no kids or age of kids, and many feel overwhelmed by work and bosses and other commitments and tasks to really prioritize others in a valuable way. Plus, a lot of people — especially dudes — have a very limited emotional bar they can reach, so being empathetic and vulnerable around others just usually isn’t in the cards.

But what I wanted to know was: is empathy teachable? Could we take the biggest MAGA in the world and make them understand at least where another side was coming from? Could we take the biggest lib out there and do the same? Can you take a person with a plastic brain or someone fully formed as an “adult” and suddenly make them more empathetic?

Seems like an interesting question. This is the type of stuff I write about, if you want to come along.

Can we teach empathy? And if so, how do we do it?

I was having this conversation with my wife last night — before I launched into “Sweat B” of P90x, naitch — about something I feel like I write about a lot (too much?) on this blog, i.e. the notion that traditional ideas about management (deliverables, paying dues, no friendship between managers and employees, poor communication is fine so long as we’re making money) are somewhat fading away in favor of these new ideas (soft skills, communication, empathy, real leadership training, transformational instead of transactional).

Teaching empathy: Generation vs. Generation

The problem is that you have one generation trying to hold on and get out with their mint, and you have another generation (the youngest one in the workforce) trying to find purpose and prove themselves. Those are often at cross-purposes. It should be noted that the Boomers and the Millennials are two huge generations, people-wise, so generalizing about them is pretty fraught. Everyone is different, as is every company, every manager-employee relationship, and every other conceivable touchpoint you encounter in a work setting.

A lot of this, to me, does come back to empathy. It’s a core way to get people to listen to you, for one thing. The hiring process and unemployment all pushes outward from a lack of empathy. I’d argue humility is pretty closely tied to empathy, and many leaders lack that. I could go on and on. I’ll spare you.

So last night, after this convo and workout, I’m reading part of the Sunday New York Times — which I almost never read — and I come across this article about how empathy is a choice. That’s pretty interesting, because … most of the time I think we think that some people do have empathy (or the capability for it) and some people do not. It’s that simple. Cut-and-dried, right? Maybe not.

Power positions and empathy