Crawling towards 39, mostly pathetic, and trying to get to a place I'm proud of

I'm largely a failure as I near the end of my 30s, and I need to own that and start the process of doing better.

I've told this story in some other blogs, so if you've read my stuff and seen it, I apologize for the redo. After I graduated from college, a bunch of my friends and I met up in upstate New York. We were all probably 21-22 at the same, the NBA Playoffs were in full swing, and it was a cool weekend of beer pong, swimming in lakes, and general life discus…