Fair Weather Friends

That's not necessarily a bad thing, though.

I turned 44 about four weeks ago. I know absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of life and am mostly a pathetic excuse for a man and human being, but I have had a lot of time to write and ruminate on things over the years — for better and for worse. One thing I can absolutely say is that, yes, into one’s life you probably get 4–5 good friends over time, and those friends might even move in and out in chapters re: geography, age of kids, health, etc. So, by definition or by semantics, most people you call “friends” are, in fact, going to be “fair-weather friends.” I don’t necessarily mean that in a bad way, because those types of people can still show up in key moments or fill key narrative slots in your life. But are they “ride or die?” Absolutely not.

Here’s a good example: I got divorced in March of 2017. I left the final weekend of that month to let my ex move out in peace. In hindsight, I should have just gotten a hotel room in town or something. I thought the whole “leaving” thing was some type of grand gesture; fuck if I know why I thought that. I was a moron. So, I roll to Tucson and stay with a friend of mine (an actual friend, at the time), and that weekend went sideways (because, you know, it was a depressing one for me) and now me and that kid don’t talk anymore. I was sad about it for a while, but it’s OK in the long run.

But that next weekend, when I was back in Texas, I found myself with nothing to do at 3pm on the Saturday. So, I went out to the bar by my house. Smart move? Probably not. I talked for a while to this kid Adam and his friend Bryan, and I ended up spending two months or so periodically hanging out with them. Nothing deep or major, although I think we did the “I love you” thing that guys casually do out of nowhere. I still vaguely know both of them from afar, I.e. social medias and whatnot, but I haven’t lived near or around them (or even seen them in-person) in six or so years.

Still, they were fair weather in that moment and instrumental to getting through some tough, lonely weekends.

There is periodically a moral panic about a “friendship recession” in America and “a loneliness epidemic.” While both of those things are true, they are also inherently logical and we shouldn’t even question their existence or the underpinning of them.

The main issue is prioritization of friendship as a thing, or a concept. For most people, it falls below:

• Marriage

• Work

• Kids

So, at best, “adult friendship” is coming in №4 for most people. Not the most striking endorsement of a cabin weekend with the boys.

Most (American) adults define success on these parameters, too: