F*ck The Friends Who Abandon You

The sudden, perhaps-unexpected, not-discussed demise of a 21-year friendship.

I was friends with this kid Redding for about, give or take, two decades. I went to Georgetown University for undergraduate (and now I write newsletters in gym shorts, so I’ve really max’ed out that degree), and he transferred in junior year. We had two solid years together in college, both as roommates, and then I would say we had some up-and-down phases post-college. I was in Houston for a while as he was in NYC + DC, so we saw each other sporadically then; he went to San Francisco for years while I was in Connecticut + NYC, but around then people we knew started getting married, so I saw him on bachelor party and wedding circuits, and then once he had two kids, he freed up a little bit and we took two group trips (guys) in ’18 and ’19. I think the last time I physically was in a room with him was a brewery in Richmond in ’19, but we talked in ’20 (when I got remarried) and a little bit of ’21 and a very small slice of ’22. I haven’t talked to this dude in two years + now, although I’ve tried texting him and emailing him. Nothing.

I cannot figure out the exact moment this thing broke apart. I was telling him about IVF in 2022 — that’s when I did it the first time — and he seemed to kinda recoil from that, so maybe it was that? I’m not sure, because, well, he hasn’t spoken to me in two years. It is possible that I got drunk one day or night and said something uncouth or untoward to him. That has happened in my life. I wouldn’t rule it out, admittedly.

To give you a little context on this friendship, with the caveat that most male friendships have some deep imperfections —

— I’ll roll a couple for you: