How Can Men Make More Friends?

Six or so ways.

I think, by now, we all know this is somewhat of a problem. In May 2019, which currently feels like 10 years ago and not 2.5, Harper’s Bazaar even blared “Men have no friends, and women bear the burden.” (I know quite a few female friend groups that shared that one around deeply.) I’ve seen headlines about “male loneliness killing millions” and one of the better deep dives of the last five years, “Why do we murder the beautiful friendships of boys?” And then, recently, Saturday Night Live even weighed in, pretty relevantly, and solid for them because it’s the rare sketch that ends well:

So it might be worthwhile to take a mini-deep dive on how exactly men could get more friends in their adult years.

The Big Buckets

I don’t want to start with all the science shit, like “side-by-side friendships,” because that’s generally true but often way over-discussed. I know many guys who are friends face-to-face, or in book clubs, or whatever. That’s academia trying to diagnose a problem with core concepts and terms that don’t always exist in the wild.

Here are the big buckets of male friendship acquisition, around post-30:

• Work

• Church

• Gym, working out, or some type of intramural/rec sport

• Bars

• Your kids are friends with their kids

• Your wife is friends with their wife (or partner/girlfriend)

• Neighbors

• You took them from another era (childhood, HS, etc.)

• Generalized hobbies, i.e. woodworking, bowling, poker