The incredibly true story of how my fat, lazy ass learned to cook at age 29

A snapshot of three periods of my life:

• The summer before I turned 21, I lived with five of my best friends in D.C. I couldn't cook at all. I don't think we were allowed a meal plan in the summer, so I ate out all the time. I must have burned through so much of my parents' money. (Just set in that I'm an entitled piece of shit.) One time that summer, I w…