Every piece of "sales advice" I read makes me want to smash my head with a brick

Let's start here: I've never worked in sales. I've sold stuff, yes -- I had a lemonade stand when I was eight, for example -- and I've worked in roles that are essentially "sales" but don't have the title of sales. So, for example, back in the day at ESPN, I used to be "a headline guy" for ESPN Insider. I'd take Insider content (which is gated) and I'd …