The 12 Years Where Everything Changes

Look from about age 28 to 40.

Back on October 1, 2014 I wrote a post called “Can you make friends after 30?” If I’m doing some basic math correctly, I would have been 33 when I wrote that. I’m now 44. Here’s what happened in the intervening time:

• Most of my friends changed

• I got divorced

• Getting divorced teaches you a ton about who’s really there for you vs. who’s not, so my friends shifted again

• Got remarried

• Did buy a home

• No kids yet (infertility), very possibly no bio kids ever

• Now — and this took a hot minute — I feel more comfortable in my own skin

People that I probably would have texted or called regularly on 10/1/14? They are still in my phone, yes. I still see some of their stuff on social media. But are we friends? No, not really.

Now, this part of the story is extremely specific to me in the early-to-mid-30s period. Only about 28% of highly-educated people (which I somewhat am) get divorced, so 7 in 10 wouldn’t have this kind of story. I get that.

But there’s an universality to the 30-to-35, or 28-to-40, period that data can underscore a bit.

The data!