The "Let Me Off The Hook" Problem
A lot of people really don't want to practice empathy or help others. They want to say the one thing that will get them off the hook with that person.
We’re going to spend a second talking about trying times.
It won’t be super long, or even that informative, and it can easily be classified as “opinion.” But still, let’s do it. I don’t think people do this enough. Mostly I write about work, and this can/will apply to work too.
My own personal trying times
I got divorced around March 2017. Guess the easiest way I could say it all is this: it’s hard. (You probably guessed that.) You have one narrative and idea for your life and then, one morning, that narrative, that idea, those concepts? They’re not there anymore. So you find yourself, at 36 in my case, having to think about what’s next and how to get there. It’s not “the way it’s supposed to be,” but a lot of life isn’t, so that’s something to remember.
What’s the “let me off the hook” problem?
Humans aren’t (generalization) very good at dealing with trying times. I think we’re mostly OK with death, but that’s because over thousands of years we’ve accepted it as inevitably and it goes according to (hopefully) a progression, i.e. you will outlive your parents. Obviously funerals are awash in tears, but those trying times can be “contained” somewhat.
Then you got shit like divorce, or children dying before parents. (Not at all the same thing, by the way.) These are trying times, bad things, all that. When these happen, you’ve got two possible outcomes for someone that might have to interact with the divorced/alive parent/whoever:
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