The Moment AFTER The Moment

Are these the inflection points where adulthood really matters?

This applies good and bad. We’re going to start with “bad” though.

The dream story

When I was getting separated/divorced, I had the same dream probably five or six times in 20–25 days.

Here’s the layout of the dream:

My dog is currently (not in the dream, in current real life) about 2–3. That breed lives to be about 10. So let’s say my dog is alive for another 8 years.

This dream probably happens about 6–7 years from now.

In the dream I’m walking this older version of my dog, and my ex rolls up with her new person/husband/whatever … and a baby.

Now at the time this was all happening, I’m 35–36, I don’t have kids, most of my friends do, every time I log onto Facebook that’s all I see, etc.

I also had just read this New Yorker article about how you’re biologically meaningless if you hit 40 and don’t have a kid.

So I got all this life shit going on and I keep having this dream. It was a fucked up time, you know?

I told a few people and didn’t get much back in the way of guidance aside from “WHOA, OK.”

(People are pretty limited at giving good advice in tougher times.)

Finally one of my friends says this to me:

“Well that moment could theoretically happen. It’s not a reach at all. So who are YOU going to be in that moment?”

That one line — “Who are YOU going to be in that moment?” — changed a ton of thinking for me.

The moment AFTER the moment

Look, great things happen in life. You win stuff. You get promoted. People want to have sex with you.

Bad things also happen. Friends die. So do parents. You get fired. Divorces, etc. (I’ve got 3 of these 4 since 2015!)

Those are the moments. Those are when you feel and go through them. You do what you can. You get lifted up.

What matters is after the moment.