The NFL Is America's True Religion

A list of reasons why we deify it.

Here’s what I’ve got:

• It owns a day of the week, which church used to do for more people.

• It’s the closest thing we have to “gladiators” or “warriors” in the modern age.

• Regional tribalism.

• Gambling.

• Fantasy football. (Which is one of the primary, if only, ways that guys retain long-term friendships across distance and children.)

• We like violence more than we admit.

• A lot of guys (and some gals) like to sit in relatively dank bars, drink beer, and eat crappy fried food for a portion of Sunday to put off the reality of an upcoming workday, so it clicks there too.

• You played the sport and like “couch-quarterbacking” it from the bar stool (or your couch).

• Food.

• Chances to get together.

• We like to see new beer commercials and insurance commercials with celebrities in them.

• It’s a way to stay connected to friends across distance (i.e. fantasy but also shit-talk texting).

• We see the hypocrisy in suspensions relative to violations, and it secretly comforts us because of the hypocrisy in our own lives every single day that we gloss over :)

• The players become characters (“I’m a football player for six days. On Sundays I’m an entertainer.” — Chad Johnson)

• We like to debate merits.

• We like to think we know more than professionals in every conceivable cranny of life, and especially guys who make millions of dollars to play what’s at heart just a game.

What else would you add?