We don't care at all about onboarding, broadly. What could go wrong?

Onboarding should be a transformative experience of entering a new culture, team, etc. Instead it's mostly transactional bullshit.

I'm 39 years old now. (Wow.) When I was starting fourth grade, I was 9. I turned 10 that November. So, this is about 30 years ago at this point. I was switching schools and my mom, who was only maybe a year or two post-rehab and doing her best in the grand scheme of stuff, dropped me off at the door of the school with this kid Chris Beha, who I believe …