Why Do We Fight About The Dumbest Shit?

A bunch of reasons, actually.

I just spent about nine days in Fiji. As you might imagine, it was generally-relaxing. I met a pearl farmer, who formerly owned an advertising agency in Montreal, who told us that “something is different about America now. It feels angrier.” Maybe because he told me that the day before I flew home, I was thinking about it — and within minutes of landing at LAX, I saw countless examples of people being mean and nasty to each other. That’s not an uncommon site at a very busy, and structurally outdated, airport. So, I get it. But in general, doesn’t it seem like people are angrier?

There’s been a monumental amount of media coverage on this topic since about 2011, which is three years into Obama and when we really saw some racial animus begin to bubble over (“We might get a second term of this black guy?”), three years after the financial crash, the beginning of a free money era for big companies, right around Trump’s birther stuff, etc. When people write these articles and make these videos about general animosity in America, you come to a couple of big buckets:

• Political polarization

• Income/economic inequality

• Social media

• Cable news

• Distrust in government

• Decline of organized religion

• Rise in divorce and decline in childbirth, childrearing, etc.

Those are some of your big buckets. Everyone has their own theory, and another acceptable theory is “People aren’t angrier, and things are going great.” That’s also very possible.

I think it completely varies by specific class or situation or contextual moment. For example, a couple of days ago I was trying to load some recliners into the back of my truck. My wife was helping me. It was going well, but not great. Her dad came over and had a suggestion. The suggestion wouldn’t have worked, but he didn’t have full context for the layout of my truck bed. He stormed off, muttering something about “everyone is smarter than me, I guess.” Why was he angry in that moment? Was it social media? No. Was it Tucker Carlson? Sometimes for him, but not in that moment. It was more about feeling he was challenged, and possibly even remembering truck-loading moments with his own dad, who passed away semi-recently.

This morning, I helped load in boxes for a charity event. The tableclothes for one room weren’t ready, and a lady barked to a staff member, “I don’t care how it gets done, I just need it done now.” So why is there anger in that moment? Is it because TikTok is owned by China? Is it because Biden is old? Is it because of Sean Hannity? Is it because women make .82 for every $1 a man makes? Maybe it’s all of those things. In that moment, I would say it was a combination of privilege, feeling that someone else was disappointing you and thus worthy of being dressed down, rain and cold outside so you’re frustrated about loading boxes, etc.

It’s also, in that case, probably a smidge of privilege too.

So, the reasons for the anger vary widely, and they’re very contextual to the specific moment. If you want to take those buckets above and scale it down to tighter, more impactful buckets, I would say:

• Distrust in government + more avenues to consume information about how you should distrust the government: COVID scaled all this. In logical terms, COVID should have been a “collective moment” for Americans, i.e. Let’s band together and beat back this thing, and we’ll be back to normal in 1–2 months! Instead, it was the complete opposite.

It ended up being the complete opposite because powerful people lied, Trump was in the White House, it was an election year, and it’s powerful for the media to draw division lines instead of collaborative lines, especially when everyone is inside and clamoring for information.

• General decline of meaning and purpose: I would auger that, for many years, a lot of people in America got their “purpose” or “meaning” (suitcase words) from their job, maybe their relationship, their family (maybe), kids (ditto), and a few hobbies. Possibly church. Most of those things look very different than they did 50 years ago — church is on the decline (although faith/spiritual understanding are not necessarily), work is inherently a transaction for millions, less people are having kids (and they’re having them older), and I guess video games are an increasing hobby? I am painting with a broad brush, but there is a decline in purpose, and any decline in purpose will boost animus and anger.

• Division and distraction are good for business: Having people pointlessly fighting about the new issue of the day (“Can you believe these trans kids in Wisconsin, Dan?”) keeps people’s eye off the bigger ball of what’s happening around them, and that only benefits big-wigs and elites. Plus: fear is a collective unifying device, and many make money off of that. The entire infant industry is basically driven by fear, as one small example.

In broad ideological buckets, because that’s how people seem to best understand things these days, it seems like we have these anger points:

• The far right: Angry about America changing, and not being similar to a 1954 suburb.

• The moderate right: Angry about the cost of things, and their inability to paint themselves as truly “successful” because they’re ostensibly paycheck-to-paycheck. Didn’t these politicians promise big tax breaks?

• The moderate left: Somewhat performative, but also concerned about the future of their kids, their country, and the rights of all. Wanting to know where exactly their paycheck has gone.

• The far left: Almost entirely performative on issues that “average” people don’t care that much about as they try to get by, but they stoke tons of anger anyway.

Now, as for the argument that things are going great and no one is angry — well, listen, some people are definitely angry. Have you seen our shooting stats? Right. But there is something to a simple existence with your 2.5 kids, your Golden Retriever, and your job that at least feels stable. In that situation, with some good friends and a non-dysfunctional family, you’d probably be pretty content. Now, if someone cuts you off in traffic, or you get laid off, or someone teaches your kids that white people are all evil, I mean, could you snap and become anger-driven? Absolutely. That’s entirely possible. Again, the root of the anger is often contextual, not collectivist. That’s why the broad brush of “social media killed us” is laughable, although I also paint with a broad brush on a lot of stuff I write, because it’s usually the most relatable way to make a point — and I’m probably a weak writer anyway. Ha.

What’s your take? Why do you see Americans as so angry?