"You KNOW She Can Handle The D"

A certain class of guy views Lauren Sanchez as the prize of winning capitalism. Former athletes viewed her as a maid and cook. What's the deal?

Americans are broadly obsessed with wealth, and while Elon has since taken over most of the wealth narrative, for a long time that narrative almost exclusively resided with Amazon Edge Lord Jeffrey Preston Bezos. And, about 27 years into that reign of e-commerce dominance, he and his trusty wife Mackenzie announced their split. Within almost seemingly minutes, he was tied to Lauren Sanchez, who — well, let’s just come out and say it. She is an older woman but has a very solid body and a huge rack. She spent most of her younger years with athletes, including Tony Gonzalez (with whom she shares one kid) and Derek Fisher and apparently some guy named Anthony Miller who made five Pro Bowls but I can’t remember his career at all, and in this article, Miller says Sanchez was “good if you needed a massage or lunch.” What the fuck?

Sanchez eventually had two more kids with a guy named Patrick, who is best known as being Ben Affleck’s agent. Then she ended up with Bezos. There has been any number of obsessive articles and videos about Sanchez since she emerged on the Bezos scene, including “Wow, this is the ultimate Mid-Life crisis, is it not?”

Typically, further-right commentators love Bezos, because he is a capitalist demi-god. It gets a little complex because I think him and Trump essentially hate each other, and have feuded over some buildings in Queens that Trump’s dad used to own, so I guess you need to pick your allegiances. But Megyn Kelly seems utterly obsessed by Lauren Sanchez, calling her a hooker on some occasions: