You Won't Believe What Happened At This Wedding

An island in the sun -- or, rather, in the middle of water in Boston -- featuring a drunk mom, a heavy pour, and a few other things.

Back about a decade ago now, I went to a wedding on an island in Boston Habor. I believe it was either Thompson Island or Stone Island, but I can’t honestly remember at this moment. It was a woman from college getting married, and I was still with my ex- at that point. Honestly, we had hung out with this woman a lot in 2010-ish, but by 2015, we had moved twice from NYC and were at best loosely connected to the groups involved, so I was relatively sure we wouldn’t get the invite, but we did. It was probably good that we did, in no small part because the wedding produced a lot of both beauty and hysterical moments, some of which I was just recalling yesterday due to some neighborhood friends of mine asking about the biggest wedding “fails” we’ve seen. I don’t know if I’d classify anything at this wedding as a “fail” per SE, but we had some gems such as:

• The wedding itself was at 4:30pm, but they dropped people off at the island via ferry beginning at 2pm — and the bars were open.

• After the ceremony ended at 5pm, the dinner wasn’t until 7pm — and the bars were open.

• (I think you can see where this is going.)

• I saw another one of my good college female friends make out with a random guy before dinner even started — and said friend’s mom was roughly 20 feet from her as this was happening.

• On my eventual ferry back, I saw two separate drug deals go down.

• I believe I shut down a hotel bar around 3:30am drinking a Harpoon and talking to some guy about baseball.

Anyway.

Here’s the actual punch line story.