Babies As Birkin Bags

The UCC pregnancy paradox.

I used to work at this church in Fort Worth called UCC. If you follow college football, it’s right next to TCU, who does well in that sport periodically. I lasted about 97 days at this job. It was a mix of “job didn’t need to exist” + “supervisor didn’t like me” + “the church was undergoing renovations and they got expensive, so some positions had to be cut back.” I liked the job in pockets, but ultimately I was not a good fit there.

So, when I worked there, the church had a day school that was mostly the domain of rich moms, i.e. SAHM types, i.e. you might call them “trad-wives.” Well, said school was run by a woman — not of this ilk, because she had a job, but close to this ilk — named Rebecca. In those 97 days I mentioned above, Rebecca spoke me to all of zero times, but sent me three emails with a red exclamation point, if you want to get a sense of her personality.

Around January of ’24, based on the construction I mentioned above, there was a chance that day school would have to start later in fall ’24, i.e. maybe mid-to-late September instead of mid-August. Rebecca sent an email to all the parents saying this was a possibility. I said “parents,” but sadly, let’s be honest here — she was sending to “the moms” and maybe three dads that read it. The dads in this day school community very much think of themselves in economic provider terms, not child terms. You know the drill.

The moms went nuts. I mean, nuts. People were emailing her and CC’ing the senior pastor of the church. Pretty funny stuff. Red exclamation points, even.

The common argument among the moms was: “I can’t possibly have my kids for another four weeks. You need to open in mid-August.”

Now, if you ever walked through the day school during morning drop-off or early afternoon pick-up, you noticed a relatively curious thing: most of these moms were currently pregnant.

So, let’s break this down:

• In the emails, they are claiming they cannot handle their kids for another four weeks.

• (Break to also understand many of these women have nannies.)

• But yet, they are producing more kids.

• And yet, they can’t handle the Earth-side ones for a scant four additional weeks.

Hmmm. I was confused by this, and frankly still am to an extent. I tried to figure it out in my head, and came to these conclusions:

1. They are performative moms who don’t really want to be moms, but want it for the country club + Instagram + general “keeping up with the Joneses.” Lindsay had three, so I need to have three.

2. Because their financial situation is generally solid, they don’t think as much about family planning and Tommy just “slipped one past the goalie.”

3. They do want the love associated with more children, but are exhausted from the current ones and don’t compute the two.

4. They like being pregnant and the notion of being fawned over by their own mom, other moms, and maybe their husband.

5. There is no reason and no one is thinking about anything.

I just always thought this arc was hysterical when I worked there: I cannot possibly have my kids at home for four more weeks. Oh, yes, I am due in 17 weeks, thank you Emilia. We’re so excited!

How do those things compute in your mind?