In my early 40s and the wife and I are having the best sex of our lives . . .no cap, as the kids say.
But as a man, you can't let the middle age creep of resentment that damages so many marriages rear its head.
You have to be constantly attentive and help with everything. Being the primary bread winner isn't enough. Do the dishes, feed the pets, take out the trash, read to your kids at night, be the playmate they're demanding even though you're mentally and physically exhausted from work. Ask your wife questions about her day and how things are going for her, even if in that moment you may not actually be that interested.
Accept that from your perspective you may view the relationship dynamics as unfair . .just carry the load anyway. Because, especially if she's bore your children, there ain't shit you can do to match what she's done for you. And she's probably right.
Both partners taking care of themselves physically doesn't hurt either.
I agree with you. My specific issue sometimes is that we go through infertility, and she wants to carry a kid, so there’s a degree of resentment from her towards me — even tho it’s a two-way street on the fertility — that can make it hard sometimes (or not hard, ya know). That’s my particular struggle. But your points? I agree with all.
Oh, I get that. No worries. The thing with infertility is that unless you been through it, it's hard to explain or contextualize -- especially to guys, who often pride themselves on virility. It does cause a lot of cracks in your dynamic. I happened to land with one woman who didn't seem to want kids, but I messed that one up by being a drunk, and then one woman who did want kids and I partially messed that up by having slow sperm. It's a tricky little box. I am trying to figure out what is next there.
In my early 40s and the wife and I are having the best sex of our lives . . .no cap, as the kids say.
But as a man, you can't let the middle age creep of resentment that damages so many marriages rear its head.
You have to be constantly attentive and help with everything. Being the primary bread winner isn't enough. Do the dishes, feed the pets, take out the trash, read to your kids at night, be the playmate they're demanding even though you're mentally and physically exhausted from work. Ask your wife questions about her day and how things are going for her, even if in that moment you may not actually be that interested.
Accept that from your perspective you may view the relationship dynamics as unfair . .just carry the load anyway. Because, especially if she's bore your children, there ain't shit you can do to match what she's done for you. And she's probably right.
Both partners taking care of themselves physically doesn't hurt either.
I agree with you. My specific issue sometimes is that we go through infertility, and she wants to carry a kid, so there’s a degree of resentment from her towards me — even tho it’s a two-way street on the fertility — that can make it hard sometimes (or not hard, ya know). That’s my particular struggle. But your points? I agree with all.
I'm sorry ya'll are going through that. That's a really tough dynamic.
And please note my "you's" in my comment weren't directed at you specifically but the "collective Substack you" of potential readers. 🙂
Oh, I get that. No worries. The thing with infertility is that unless you been through it, it's hard to explain or contextualize -- especially to guys, who often pride themselves on virility. It does cause a lot of cracks in your dynamic. I happened to land with one woman who didn't seem to want kids, but I messed that one up by being a drunk, and then one woman who did want kids and I partially messed that up by having slow sperm. It's a tricky little box. I am trying to figure out what is next there.