How could we make men feel more worthy and useful without propping up their worst elements?
Purpose is a spiritual / metaphysical object. "I am helping other people that have an inner world like me" or "I'm am publicly striving for these virtuous behaviors people around me agree on" etc all imply a direction / will greater than your own experienced existence.
The issue is that we don't have any shared sense of virtue or an originator of that virtue. And institutions that exist to contemplate and create virtue (religion, not the law) are weak. Not weak as in don't exist weak, but weak as in they are incapable of asserting / proselytizing good behavior at the expense of bad behavior.
These religious institutions create other social glues as well by mandating shared ritual triangulated at a higher purpose. So not only does a community under religious guidance share an idea of "good" they also are forced to cooperate and manifest that good in shared routine / action together.
Weaker embodiments of these scratch a similar itch but don't take head on the ritual's meaning making. After a tough jiu jutsu session theres a shared homo social intimacy that only happens because i) the physical contact loosens social inhibition, ii) everyone shares a higher aesthetic goal (master this demanding art & command your own / others bodies), and iii) everyone's exhausted & running on an endorphin high.
I imagine similar types of tight male group identity emerge in the military and high stress occupational teams, but can't speak about those first hand.
To your question though, I think religion (not anti religion like protestantism, but real religion like Catholicism / Islam / Orthodox) are due for a comeback and would go a long way.
I think in general humans like to feel worthy & useful. So it’s not necessarily a man thing , but a human thing. The Man saying he felt like an ATM for his family, is the same as a woman saying she feels like just a servant to her children and husband. That being said, it does seem to be more important to a man to feel useful.
I do have a question though, why conceptualize the issue as masculinity?
What if the problem was age old existential anxiety? It’s not a feature of being male, it’s a feature of being human. If you have spent your life doing what you have been told, towards the end of the road you’re supposed to be the person to create purpose for
Yourself and others.
One thing I got from reading Sartre was that if you weren’t evolving and changing, you were dead.
The happiest men I know enjoy relationships they cultivate more than anything, and learn to make friends easily wherever they go. Having friends or an intimate (wife or husband) share things and purpose is 90% of the game.
It always seems to devolve to people with friends and
How could we make men feel more worthy and useful without propping up their worst elements?
Purpose is a spiritual / metaphysical object. "I am helping other people that have an inner world like me" or "I'm am publicly striving for these virtuous behaviors people around me agree on" etc all imply a direction / will greater than your own experienced existence.
The issue is that we don't have any shared sense of virtue or an originator of that virtue. And institutions that exist to contemplate and create virtue (religion, not the law) are weak. Not weak as in don't exist weak, but weak as in they are incapable of asserting / proselytizing good behavior at the expense of bad behavior.
These religious institutions create other social glues as well by mandating shared ritual triangulated at a higher purpose. So not only does a community under religious guidance share an idea of "good" they also are forced to cooperate and manifest that good in shared routine / action together.
Weaker embodiments of these scratch a similar itch but don't take head on the ritual's meaning making. After a tough jiu jutsu session theres a shared homo social intimacy that only happens because i) the physical contact loosens social inhibition, ii) everyone shares a higher aesthetic goal (master this demanding art & command your own / others bodies), and iii) everyone's exhausted & running on an endorphin high.
I imagine similar types of tight male group identity emerge in the military and high stress occupational teams, but can't speak about those first hand.
To your question though, I think religion (not anti religion like protestantism, but real religion like Catholicism / Islam / Orthodox) are due for a comeback and would go a long way.
I absolutely agree with this, unfortunately.
Should also say, wholly enjoying your writing. Looking forward to more this year
I think in general humans like to feel worthy & useful. So it’s not necessarily a man thing , but a human thing. The Man saying he felt like an ATM for his family, is the same as a woman saying she feels like just a servant to her children and husband. That being said, it does seem to be more important to a man to feel useful.
PS. Sorry I didn’t answer the question.!
You write very well, it’s a pleasure to read.
I do have a question though, why conceptualize the issue as masculinity?
What if the problem was age old existential anxiety? It’s not a feature of being male, it’s a feature of being human. If you have spent your life doing what you have been told, towards the end of the road you’re supposed to be the person to create purpose for
Yourself and others.
One thing I got from reading Sartre was that if you weren’t evolving and changing, you were dead.
The happiest men I know enjoy relationships they cultivate more than anything, and learn to make friends easily wherever they go. Having friends or an intimate (wife or husband) share things and purpose is 90% of the game.
It always seems to devolve to people with friends and
People who struggle. Modern internet kills more
Than sex.
Men make themselves useless when they are messed up fools. No pity.
Middle son was dumped by his overly assertive wife - with two pre-teen girls - with the claim of him of ‘too toxic’, in all ways.
As a grand father, I am weary of the complaint from many women being ‘toxic’. What the hell does that really mean. Sick of hearing that damned word.
He has come alive the few months of freedom from that shrew. For 22 years he was subdued and almost never smiling……the 45 year old lad is BACK!